Let there be light, let there be internet

It's amazing what happens when we get internet installed at home. Instead of sitting in front of the TV chatting with each other, we're sitting in front of our laptops with the TV on chatting with people online. I love technology. Not that I'm complaining.

So Brunei's actually been pretty great so far. I initially thought of it as a new adventure, but it's been more challenging than I would have wanted to admit. The work is tough - everything is new and I'm groping in the dark half the time, but it's a reminder that where I work, this is how we learn. I realized that being in my last project didn't prepare me for this, but there is always a first time for everything - so I try to convince myself this is what I want. (Part of me - most of me, actually - just wants to be lounging on a hammock somewhere with the wind blowing in my face, so that might actually be part of the problem.)

There's time to go home and make dinner here. There's time and space to run. Well, sort of, when I'm not awake until 5 trying to finish an assignment. It only takes 20 minutes to drive to work, and drivers know how to use their turn signals here. A tank of gas is only 20 bucks. Food is plentiful, and the people are friendly.

Part of me still feels empty though, and I first I thought that it was because this is not home. Then I slowly came to realize that it is empty because I haven't given myself any direction. Where am I going, why am I here...stupid cliched questions that I unfortunately need answers to before I can bulldoze my way forward like I always do. I've admittedly felt and occasionally still feel lost here - but again that's just a monster, and monsters can be slain. I realized I *must* form direction, because without it, I have no reason for anything, really. And you know me, I always need a reason for everything.

I need a project, then I can concentrate on things that really matter to me, instead of worrying about the things that no one else cares about. I've got so many to choose from really...but what I really need is a nap. There's a monster out there that creates assignments that last until 5 am. Stupid monster.